KEMEN OR SEMEN: The Blurred Line Between MOLESTATION AND CONSENT.

By Ceaf staff

#KemenOrSEMEN

                 MOLESTATION : According to Definition of Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is usually undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or (often pejoratively) molester.

                CONSENT: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. In this case only molestation occurs between Kemen and TBOSS also known as TOKUNBO IDOWU and i was shocked that some Misogynistic men also know as CELEBRITIES AND COMEDIAN ARE COMING to  KEMEN RESCUE.

The big brother show in General opinion is a show that lacks morals and  promotes nothing but Sex! Sex! Sex! but an incident that occurred in the big brother house and the way the producers handled it, is perhaps the only sex Education Nigerians would ever get on the meaning of “CONSENT”

             Kemen choose in our opinion at #CEAF to sexually touch a woman without her “CONSENT”. The defense that it is what a ‘correct guy’ would do and i quote “AYO MAKUN”, when a fine babe is beside him, is totally unacceptable. KEMEN OR SEMEN as I like to call him, is a disgrace to all men worldwide and unless he can return in time and undo his act, we shall forever remember him as a total waste of man sperm.

According to the US Department of State, Country Studies on Human Rights Practices; Domestic violence has grown prevalent, and is usually regarded as socially permitted. In Nigeria alone, approximately three in ten Nigerian ladies have experienced actual physical violence since age fifteen. Not to mention the rampant increase of domestic violence in the last 3 years from 21% in 2011 to 30% in 2013. Which is no wonder we hear of everyday people, such as Ronke shonde, Titilayo Arowolo in our local news killed by domestic violence.

           But most of this cases are of private citizens which only comes to limelight after it is too late. But what happens when such an abuse is done in the public eye by individuals or people who ought to serve us? or the victims are public figure’s themselves? What happens? Domestic violence is not a respecter of persons, anyone can fall victim. Here are other few instances:

Dino Melaye :Domestic Abuse,Politics,Bully.

                 When you hear the name Dino Melaye, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Trouble? Wife beater? Egomania?Bully?

There is no doubt that  Dino’s Melaye over the past few years has been in the news more for the wrong reasons, for what has occurred in his personal life, or derogatory and illiterate  statements he has made, than any real significant change he has brought ever since he joined politics. The only time I heard any significant or positive effect concerning his name was when I was in 200 level Law and we were asked to discuss whether his refusal to obey a court order or not was constitutional, since then NOTHING. All he has managed to do however is cause his two wives to leave him, because he rather display his punching prowess on two women than in the gym.

His first wife , Tokunbo accused him of hitting her, and that whenever they had a confrontation, she would find herself in the hospital receiving treatment for all types of injuries. On September 25, 2013, it was reported that Tokunbo and Dino had an argument , and he held a silver pistol against her head and would have pulled the trigger if he wasn’t distracted when his phone rang. As evidence of his battery, various pictures of her bleeding surfaced online.

I guess further evidence of his ‘manliness’ was when his second wife, Alero Falope left her marriage just after seven months of marriage. Of course, she denied the reason  she left was because of domestic violence, but then we know the stigma that comes with talking about it… Just saying!

           I guess the most popular news involving Dino Melaye that got the nation talking, was when he threatened to rape and beat up Senator OluRemi Tinubu former first lady of Lagos State; particularly since his remark to her after she called him a dog and a thug, was targeted at her as a woman. If he simply called her a dog as well, that wouldn’t have mattered much, besides she insulted him. But to threaten to ‘impregnate her’ and say nothing would happen, and think he has made a worthy rebuttal, shows how low he regards women.I also remember him as someone who objectify women by comparing former Aviation Minister to the latter that he prefers her because of her BREAST AND SHAPE. PROFESSOR DINO, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?in my opinion,he only see women as sexual object. If we cannot trust our so called leader to live the law he helps make, who then can we trust?

TIWA AND TEEBILLZ

Another celebrity is Tiwa Savage. Okay so this may not have been actual physical abuse; meaning Tiwa Savage husband did not actually beat or hit her, but an abuse did occur. Emotional and verbal abuse, which in our opinion at #CEAF is as bad. It does a lot of damage to a woman’s psychological and mental health being. We at #CEAF do not stand for any kind of abuse, whether it is physical or not, or done by a Woman or not. Kudos to Tiwa Savage for speaking out!

            NB: An advice to TEE BILLZ is that , what happen between you and TIWA may also happen in the future if you don’t get a JOB ,because  from all indication the main reason you had a fall out with your wife was all ABOUT MONEY and Miss-management.

  TONTO DIKE AND MR CHURCHIL

Then Tonto Dike. Apart from being the same ‘incompetent interviewer’ (as some people have said) who conducted their interviews, another thing Tiwa savage and Tonto Dike have in common is an abusive ex-husband according to Report. Tonto recently disclosed that her marriage of less than three years had crashed, and among many other allegations, domestic abuse was said to have occurred. She revealed to the media pictures of herself bruised. This is to show you that nothing is perfect, even the most seemly perfect woman can be going through abuse.Kudos to Tonto for standing Strong.

So whether it’s Dino Melaye(the wife beater )or Teebillz, (the emotional abuser) or KEMEN the MOLESTER, abuse is abuse, and no one, whether celebrity or not should stand for it.

Big shout out to Celebrities and individuals who stood up against Molestation of TOKUNBO IDOWU and if you think what Kemen did was right,it’s shows you are part of the Problem affecting our society.

Let stand up with #CEAF and say NO TO SEXUAL ASSAULTS AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

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#KemenOrSEMEN#ceafng#ceaf_ng,#comfortempowerment,#saynotosexualassaults,,#ENOUGHISENOUGH.

Domestic Violence is Real: Scorn Wife pour boiling water on husband in Plateau State for marrying second wife

A young woman identified as one Hafsat on February 20th, allegedly poured boiling water on her husband because he married a second wife. Below is a report by a journalist with Unity FM.
For marrying a second wife, this was what this young girl Hafsat did to her husband in Fill-in Ball area of Jos.

Mubarak and Hafsat have been married for eight years after courting for six years. They have three children between them.Trouble however started when Mubarak decided to take a second wife. This did not go down well with Hafsat who became mad, enraged, infuriated and pissed off.
She told the 37 year old Mubarak to divorce her but he begged her saying she just needs to understand that as a Muslim, he is entitled to marry more than one wife. She became hostile towards him.
Eventually, Mubarak married his second wife on the 28 of January 2017.He however accommodated her in Fillin Sukwa area of Jos, a distant from his first wife’s home. Mubarak as promised ensured equity, fairness, impartiality and justice amongst his two wives.
On Monday 20th of February, after returning from his second wife ‘s home, Hafsat the first wife asked Mubarak to go back to where he was coming from (his second wife’s home).Knowing she doesn’t have the capacity to beat him up, he did not oblige her. She told him if he doesn’t go back, he would regret it. True to her words, she locked the door, when he tried opening the door with his own key, she emptied a pot of boiling water on husband back.What a world.
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Update on our recent campaign and Press Release

Update on our recent campaign and Press Release

Global statistics according to the World Health Organisation (WHO), reveal that about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/ or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner violence in their lifetime.

These account for the major public health problems and violations of women’s human rights. Advocates for Youth, a 32-year-old Washington-based organization, has recorded that in Sub-Saharan Africa, violence against women is a widespread problem and in Nigeria specifically, 81% of married women report verbal and physical abuse by their husbands with 46% reporting being abused in the presence of their children.

Also, according to the guardian UK, more than 40% (2 in 5) of domestic violence victims are male, contradicting popular belief that it is almost only women that are left battered and bruised.

Founded by Paul Akinyemi Thomson in 2009, Comfort Empowerment and Advocacy Foundation (CEAF) is a non-governmental organization (NGO) created to aid victims of domestic abuse and end gender based violence through public awareness and engagement campaigns and pushing to enforce laws that will protect everyone irrespective of gender.

The team comprises of trained and able counselors as well as experienced lawyers who are ready to prosecute legal causes from start to finish. CEAF has also partnered with the well known Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT) of the Lagos State government and the Sexual Violence Counselling team of Mirabel Centre, which is the very first Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) in Nigeria that also boasts of over 30 sexual abuse counselors, trained to provide psycho-social support for victims of abuse.

CEAF is resolute on breaking social barriers and stigma, normalizing the conversation around domestic violence and sexual assault and as a matter of urgency, increasing resources to address the issue.

CEAF Social Media details:
Visit our website for more information
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For media and press inquiries please contact:
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Below are the list of sites and blogs that has been spreading the news with #CEAFNG .

· http://alukosayo.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.entertain9ja.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.felisterisikeblog.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://gistflick.com/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy-foundation-ceaf-is-saying-no/
· http://www.jejetv.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.getitrightnigerians.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.rosyomeje.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy-foundation-ceaf-is-saying-no.html
· http://www.padigist.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.mathewtegha.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://gistxtra.blogspot.co.ke/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html?m=1
· http://www.deemezblog.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.heavybrainguy.info/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.naija4real.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· https://gistcomplex.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.levitoday.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.blogmallnigeria.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.frayokit.info/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://www.proudlyblog.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://newsengin.blogspot.com/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://andybesttv.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html?m=1
· http://septin911.net/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-advocacy-foundation-ceaf-saying-no/
· http://www.veenaija.com/comfort-empowerment-advocacy-foundation-ceaf-saying-no/
· http://dsuccesscenter.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-and-advocacy.html
· http://talktokemi.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/comfort-empowerment-n-advocacy.html

How I Met My Abusive Husband” – One Woman’s True Life Domestic Violence Story

My name is Omalinze Okonkwo. I am a 33 year old Nigerian woman, who fled to the US to get away from a violently abusive husband/marriage. It had been hell, pretty much from day one of our 10 year marriage, with lots of hospitalizations and two separations in between. And it was ALL forms of abuse, from physical to emotional to psychological to mental to financial. This is the story of how I left, it was not and has not been easy, but I’m glad I’m free.

Ours was a funny history. We met in ‘98 when an 18 year old me (music director/trainee pastor) accompanied my BFF (of blessed memory) to UNEC for her fellowship’s camp meeting. I was to help arrange her music as well as perform in a play and a special Acapella as the alto. As was our usual practice, we didn’t eat all day prior to the performance so as soon as we had sung, my friends and I rushed to the nearest “burger ” joint we could find. As we waited for our eggs to be fried, four young men frolicked rather loudly in our line of vision.

All four were trying to talk to me and I was famished, so I was not in the mood. Eventually, our meal was ready and No four, who was the biggest and loudest, tried to get my room number. I told him and he said he would visit. Unknown to him, we were to leave first thing in the morning so I knew I would never see him again. Good riddance “I thought” as I personally believed it was disrespectful of any man to toast a girl while he was with his friends. 

A year later, while I was home on holidays, my family phone rang and it was some guy asking for me. Normally, I would have discharged him to avoid getting caught by my dad but he was out and I was bored so I didn’t hang up. Apparently, he had tricked my friend into giving him my number. Next thing, I knew, we were spending hours on the phone. Before long, I was sneaking out to meet him in front of my gate and we would drive in his mom’s Toyota Cressida to his friend’s place where we would make-out for hours. Soon, though he went for Youth service so we lost touch. 

We started dating properly when a year after his service he came back to Enugu. Coincidentally, I was around. So he looked me up and we hooked up the same day (I had lost my faith after a series of tragedies including losing my youngest sister to malaria, failing out of Medical school and losing my best friend in a fire). He left the next day promising to call even though I had told him not to bother. So started our long distance relationship which he broke off by phone exactly a year later because “the Lagos girls were a distraction”. 

Years later, we somehow reconnected and became friends even though we had separate relationships. Soon, we were “friends-with-benefits”. Anyway, he had issues that led to his suspension for months and in that time there was a shift in our relationship. Suddenly, the *commitment-phobe* started becoming more controlling, calling to know where I was or flying into rages if I sent him some credit bought with my meager modeling earnings. I figured it was the pressure of the job and soon after, he was recalled to work and became sweet and adorable again. 

 

“Moooommmmmy! I’m coooooooold” wailed Ada, my little 2 year-old daughter as she stood shivering in the bitingly cold, windy and foggy UK early morning.

“Let’s go back in and sleep a little, please Mommy!” begged Obi, my 8 year old son, his voice muffled by my head-tie-turned-scarf.

“I’m really sorry, babies! We can’t go back in. We have to be out of the church at 5:30 am or they won’t let us back another time. Remember what I said about adventures? There are some really-hard parts and some super-exciting parts. This is one of the hard ones,ok? But I promise, it’ll get better, please sweeties?” I tried to comfort them.

“Ok, mommy!” they chorused and instantly start to argue about something inconsequential like they almost always did.

I shook my head, fondly and thanked God for the millionth time at how resilient and easy to please kids were. Or maybe, God just blessed me with extra-special kids! As we sit huddled up at the bus-stop, all of our luggage (2 big boxes and 2 over-stuffed backpacks) strewn around us, I struggled to hold back tears of bitterness and regret at all the years I wasted with Emeka, my husband and father of my kids.

One of the most recent incidents, a few days before I left Nigeria, kind of shook me up a little bit. I had just left the cinema where I had gone to see “The Interns”. I was bored and worried about the time (it was about a little past 7pm) so I left half-way through the movie. On my way out, I saw a former business prospect (I run a small fitness consultancy for women) and we made small talk for a few minutes before we hugged goodbye and I hurried to try to catch a cab.

As I waited impatiently outside the Leisure Mall , I decided to start walking home and catch any empty one. Plus I needed the air, I wasn’t in a good place emotionally. Eventually, I walked all the way home. I was almost at our gate when suddenly, all hell broke loose. I thought I was about to be kidnapped or robbed and my reflexes are less than zero so I stood petrified, chanting “Blood of Jesus!”

Turned out to be only Emeka, my painfully-handsome but spitting-mad husband. He had been in the mall too (coincidence or not? hmm) and had seen me talking to the lady as we had hugged at the end. I didn’t even know he was in he building complex but apparently, he had driven behind me as I walked home and as soon as I got to the gate, he speeds up and screeches to a screaming halt, startling me.

Before I could react, he grabs me the throat, calling me a “perverted lesbian slut”, that how come when he tried to get me to sleep with a girl on his birthday, I cried rape but I was picking them up on my own. I tried to tell him I was just “counseling” someone referred to me by one of my “virtual” boot-campers. He was already past that point. He says,” I am going to end this tonight.”

He drags me kicking and screaming to the kitchen and asks me to pick out a knife, I begged him to forgive me but he takes the big, pointy one and drags me back to his bedroom. He then flung me on the floor, and put a foot on my throat to keep me still. I break loose and he grabs me and twists both my arms by the thumb and forefingers till the pain forced me to my knees. With his other hand , he loops the TV cord around my thigh so tightly I felt the rope cut into my skin. [picture left]

He starts on the other thigh but the door slams as my youngest sister and the kids return from fellowship. He quickly unties the cord and hides the knife.

“This isn’t finished.” He hisses, seconds before the kids burst in excitedly…

 

I used to think he was the ultimate Alpha-male. So did everyone else. He’s loud, charming, aggressive and full of energy. He’s the life of ANY party and women throw themselves at him. But as the years passed, I realised he was just a bully. He always sought out people he was bigger than or that he could dominate so women were an easy prey for him. He had NO respect for women and generally referred to them (including myself) as sluts,bitches, and believed they were not fit to be anything other than housegirls or prostitutes. He treated me like a stupid child and would talk down at me like I was retarded. 

His favorite phrase was “Let me repeat myself…” And then proceed to repeat loudly and slowly with as minimal facts as possible so I almost always never performed the task the way he liked it. He had this weird entitlement thing where he says things like “Don’t I have the right as your husband to tell you to do something and you obey me unquestionly?”. He had a selfish streak and believed that me and the kids existed solely for his pleasure. He was amazingly self-centred and never once put me or the kids first or even second. 

I remember one day , his uncle from the UK wanted a car to use while he was in Enugu and my husband promised him one. Now ,we had only two cars so I wondered but said nothing. As I got ready for school runs and work, he asked me to leave the keys to my car but I snuck out. Later that day, he calls me and asks me to bring the car back so his uncle’s driver could pick up the car and I asked him real quietly,which car he wanted me to use. He was livid that I dared question him and said he was coming to kill me at work. He actually drove all the way from VI to Surulere where I worked and ran menacingly up the stairs.

I saw him from the window and ran down to meet him because I was trying to avoid a scene. I tried to remind him that I needed the car for school runs but he demanded for the keys. When I didn’t comply, he grabbed me roughly by the throat and twisted my arm with the other.When he got the keys, he shoved me hard and I fell into the gutter behind me. He didn’t even look back as okada/keke drivers helped me out. For the whole month, had to do school and hospital runs (my son had frequent asthma episodes) by cab. And he never even dropped us or paid for the fares.. 

He had a deep unnecessary need to “control” (one of his favorite words) and dominate me which he achieved through derision, criticism, and cruelty. And the more empowered/independent I became the more his need to keep me under his control deepened. For example, when I resolved to build my company from nothing but sheer innovation and faith, he told me that his father and himself had decided that the kids and I should move to the village. 

Another way he maintained control was by constantly making contradictory statements so that I was in a permanent state of confusion thereby reinforcing his declaration that I was stupid and retarded. For example, he would berate me constantly that I was lazy and good-for-nothing. Then, I’d come up with myriads of business ideas but none seemed to meet his approval which I needed as he was the one to give me capital. He would tell me that I was useless as a daughter, parent and wife because I couldn’t be of any financial help to anyone, that all I knew was fitness and fashion. 

One day, as I wept into the night, I had a moment of clarity and the next day, I registered my business. I’m not even going to bother mentioning his harem of women and how he would tell me that he wouldn’t need them if I was a good obedient woman. I had learnt to block that aspect out of my head. 

 

I’d previously moved out twice over the years, both times following hospitalizations as a result of severe beatings. The first time in December, 2007, I moved to another Local Government Area in Lagos. This was at my uncle’s home as my father had refused to let me stay with him because the family name would be ruined and he’d rather attend my funeral, than have divorced daughter. Moreover, according to him, the bible is against divorce.

I had to take my son out of his preschool to another closer to me. I was there for a few months, picking up extra shifts as a Customer Service Rep to be able to afford basic stuff for my son like diapers and food. But even there, I wasn’t safe. He would sit outside in his car for hours either at work or at my uncle’s home. I had to get my cousin to drive me once or twice so he backed off. He had seized my car and only released it when my huge cousin who lived abroad and was visiting Nigeria asked him to give it back.

And little did we know that he had cut the brakes of my Toyota Camry. He sent his mechanic to come park it at Festac and I didn’t drive it for a few days because I was a new driver and didn’t know my way around from Festac so I would take buses/cabs/okadas. And unfortunately for me, the first day I drove it was the day, I had my son and was on my way to work. As I drove down the winding bridge trying to connect to Orile, the car sped down uncontrollably.

I pumped and pumped my brakes as I prayed and prayed and cried and cried. It was really early, like 4:30 am because I tend to get lost a lot and generally just like to leave about 2 hours earlier than the required 6 am. So, because of the time, there were few cars on the highway . And the fact that I can barely see at night heightened my fear. Miraculously, I got all the way to my office at Orile-Iganmu without running into anyone or anything and the car having lost a little momentum on flat ground, was brought to a halt only at my office gate. I rolled the car into the compound and sat, shaking like a leaf till early light when people started coming.

I tried to call and email him about the car, hoping it was a mistake but he called me all sorts of shocking names, saying , he will still get me some other way. I told this to the case-worker, Dr Sanya at the Surulere LGA Welfare who was supposed to be mediating our case. It was only when I caught them one morning ,exchanging hugs with Dr Sanya saying, Thank You for the other day” with my husband replying, “There’s more where that came from” that I knew he had once again bought him off. I was well and truly sunk. So, when my uncle and my father summoned me to tell me that my “holiday” was over and I needed to “stop all this nonsense and go back and be a good wife and save the family name.” 

The second time, in Dec 2011, I decided to move all the way to Abuja. I’d hoped he’d be too busy to come there. This time, I didn’t tell my parents right away that I’d left. I gave them the impression that I was just visiting for Christmas. Eventually, my inlaws had told my parents that I ran away . So, my mom who was at the Abuja home at the time, had told me that I was welcome to stay out the Christmas but that I had to go back and try to make it work.

When I tried to explain to her that my life was in danger, her heartbreaking response was that “ There has never been a divorce in our clan. So, your father and I would rather keep it that way even if it meansattending your funeral . Moreover, as long as he pays the kids school fees, then he is pretty much a model husband. Close your eyes to everything else and try not to do things that would earn you a beating.”

When I refused to go, my mother got upset and violent , slapping me and shoving me out and feverishly throwing all our bags out in the streets, screaming “This is exactly why your husband beats you.” “You are stubborn and disobedient and frankly, I think you deserve everything because of the shame you bring to us. Please, go to your husband’s house. There is no room for you here.” ”You are not the first woman and you will not be the last that her husband beats. If I lived through it so will you.”

I was sobbing and wailing “What of my children? Are you also going to throw them out?”
Her response, “ They ,like you , are their father’s property . Take them back to him.”
And she slams the door.
My kids and I sit huddled out in the drizzling rain and my son, wide-eyed, asked me , “Mommy, is it because Im naughty that Maa-Maa is upset?” I weakly reassure him that it was not the case.
“Mommy, why does no one love us anymore?”
“I love you, baby!” I whisper fiercely and hugging them to my tear-soaked chest. “And God loves you. That is all that matters!”
I try to call my brother in Canada to let me stay at his Abuja apartment and after a few moments of silence, he says he’d get back to me. And that was the last, I heard from him on that.

When I saw that the kids were cold and hungry , I knocked and begged my mom to please let us stay a few more months till the school term runs out. She would hear nothing of it and after numerous calls to my uncle and siblings and father, I told her I would have to call her fellow politicians to see if they’d house us for a while. Then she grudgingly agreed.

In the meantime, I had to deal with violent phone-calls from my husband and he even showed up at the family home a few times. He would whisper to me “See? I will kill you and your family will do nothing about it.”

He would also threaten to have me bombed and people would think it was Boko Haram, which had just started attacks that same period. And my daughter’s school was in one of the churches (Dunamis International ,Garki) rumored to be on the list to be bombed next so I was terrified daily. And I knew it was true. He had the means and connections to commit murder and get away with it. And as no one had at the time figured out their target, I was naturally afraid.

So, between him and my parents making life painful for me and the kids and the terrorist situation in Abuja, I fearfully moved back to Lagos around Easter, 2012. But, of course, I had to go back to the village to be judged by the clan and was humiliated again for days and the kids taken from me before I was grudgingly allowed back to my marital home.

_______________

Myne’s note – October is Domestic Violence awareness month and Oma thinks this was a great time to share her story and reach out to other women for support and also to encourage others to speak out or take action. 

Over the next few days, you’ll read more of Oma’s story. Names, Dates and Places have been changed to protect Oma and her children. Oma is currently in need of help, financial and otherwise and if you’re able to, please contact me at myne@mynewhitman.com. We’re trying to work as quickly as possible for the safety of Oma and her ability to keep her children.

_________________

Harrison “Harry Baba” Nwozo’s note-

Folks, this is a True story. Please Help. Let’s Save our Women. Let’s Save this young woman. Please email Myne above and see how you can be of assistance.

Join me in saying NO!! to Domestic Violence in Nigeria and Around the World!!!

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SIGNS THAT YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

By Damilola  CEAF Staff,

When seeing a write up or hear a program tagged “abusive relationship” it is not about men who beat up their wife, hitting each other or getting bruises covered, because not all abusive relationship comes in violence and most abusers look innocent in the outside world.
Been a successful woman does not mean you cannot be in an abusive relationship, but the best way is to identify the signs and solve the problem. Abusive relationship can take any form as anyone can be in this kind of relationship without realizing.
An abuser in a relationship tends to manipulate you in any way, talk to you anyhow and tend to start apologizing when he thinks he is wrong and come up with the words that “I will make it up to you”.
Here are some signs that shows you are in an abusive relationship
He is always controlling: He always talk to you anyhow, want to be in charge of your life, he will wants to know where exactly you are going and where you are coming from. When you make calls and smile he will interrogate you and want to know who you are talking to.
He is always jealous: You should know you are in trouble with this kind of man, when there is some much jealously in his heart you will actually face so much difficulty with him. This kind of man visit unexpectedly, calls frequently to know where you are and know what you are doing.
There is verbal abuse or Insult: He will always say this that are bad to you, talk to you a bad manner, remind you of your bad past and hurt you by calling you ugly names.
There are treats of violence: He makes aggressive statement that makes you scare, he says statements like “I will beat you, I will break your arm etc” he later comes up with a cute face and says he did not mean it.
He blames other for his own mistake: He comes up with several excuses when he makes mistake, he either says he got provoked by his boss or co- worker at work or blame it on extended family, and he will never be claim responsibility for his own mistake.
Accuse you of having affair: He accuses you of having extramarital affair just because he sees you with someone who may be a co worker or s long time friend and accuses you of cheating on him.
Check your emails, texts and social media account: He checks your private account just to know if you are trying to hide something from him. He checks your text messages to see who you have been talking to or what you have been talking about.

And lastly Listen to your Gut Feelings.They are always right.

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CLUES AND SIGNS YOU ARE DATING A PSYCHOPATH

By Damilola  CEAF Staff

For many of us, it can be difficult to identify if our partners are psychopath, it is not something you will detect very fast in a relationship neither will you find it in the eyes of a man when you meet him. Nevertheless, not all psychopaths are serial killer or criminal who has been to prison so many time  .

Psychopaths are uncaring people with shallow mind/emotion who manipulate people with words, they learn to mimic emotions, and despite their inability to feel them will appear to unsuspected people.
A psychopath may appear or act like a prince charming at first, without knowing the signs you can end up dating a psychopath. You may end up not knowing who he really his when the bad attitude is been revealed.
Here are some signs to identify a psychopath
Flattery: When you meet a psychopath they try to move things really fast, they tell you sweet things like they love you, and want that you share the same interest together. They constantly begin communication and tend to be fascinated with you. They bombard your social media with comment, love quotes etc. This is called the love bombing.
They play with your emotion with pity stories: At first they tell you series of stories about their abusive ex, they seems cute with these stories makes you understand that they do not want drama in their life and they crave for is quiet and some peaceful time. They make you believe these stories and make you have a soft spot in your heart for them.
They withhold attention: They hold the attention which they created and make you a completely bored person. They make you feel like you are getting on their nerves. They treat you with silence and then you begin to feel like a responsibility to them.
Lying for no reason: They come up with lie and make you believe that they are telling the truth. A psychopath can come up with lies with facts and can go to any length to defend the lies.
They treat other people (animals) like garbage: They hurt people with words and even by hitting them, they don’t care what happen to living being like them. He does what he wants regardless of what happens to other.