10 Telling Signs You’re Trapped in an Abusive Relationship

By Emily Lockhart.

The thing that hurts most about an abusive relationship is realizing that you were tricked into it. Most abusive relationships don’t start out with a black eye. Commonly, they begin just like any other relationship or may seem too good to be true, but slowly, your partner may begin to subtly blame you for things beyond your control or pick at your faults. This may slowly evolve into full blown verbal or physical abuse.

The trauma suffered in an abusive relationship gradually ramps up. It slowly drains you of self worth and alienates your support system, leaving you feeling trapped and miserable before you even realize the signs.

Regardless of if you suffer from emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, it can be difficult to comprehend that someone you love, and who claims to love you, could victimize you. And sometimes, your partner may not even realize what they’re doing is wrong.

Here are ten sneaky signs that you’re trapped in an abusive relationship…

1. Humiliation

Humiliation as a form of abuse may start out with subtle jabs or insults in private and then become full blown yelling and embarrassment in public before you even realize it. It doesn’t take much for an abuser to get angry for the smallest of reason and convince you that you’re the guilty party. This type of humiliation is meant to make you submissive and to control you in front of others if they know that they’re public outbursts will make you subservient to their wants and needs.

2. Verbal Insults

You or your partner may lose your cool in an argument, but that never excuses name calling or foul language. Verbal abuse can range from insulting your looks, your intelligence, or your worth and it doesn’t always include foul language. The main purpose of verbal abuse is to wear down your self esteem so that you’re compliant and reliant on your partner—and no one else.

3. Physical Violence

Physical abuse almost never starts with a busted lip. Abusers typically begin subtly with an intimidating stance, a hand raised, a grab at your arm, or a quick slap to get your attention. This almost always graduates to harsher physical slaps, chokes, grabs, or even punches if you let the previous abuse slide. Abusers know that it takes time to breaking their spouse or partner down so they think they deserve the abuse

4. Controlling Behavior

The controlling abuser aims to alienate you from everyone else in your life other than them. That way, your friends or family won’t recognize the signs of abuse or come to your aid. Most abusers want you to be totally dependent on them and no one else. At first this may appear that your partner is just really invested in your life and your decisions, but it will slowly spiral into them being in total control.

5. Unpredictable Mood Swings

The mood swings of an abusive individual can be staggering. For instance, they can go from pleasant and romantic to total rage in a matter of seconds. This extremely unpredictable behavior is almost only aimed at a submissive partner who they know won’t challenge them

6. Picking at Faults

Does your partner treat you like a child? Most abusers who use verbal abuse as their prime tool will treat you like a misbehaved child, yelling and disciplining you as they demean and point out your every fault. However, if you try to correct them, get ready for a seriously defensive and angry backlash.

7. Alienating Your Friends and Family

An abuser knows that they won’t get away with mistreating you if you have supportive friends and family in the picture to challenge their behavior. That’s why they will slowly try to convince you that others don’t appreciate you or value your relationship. Soon you will lose all sense of yourself and only have them for support. What better way to control your every behavior, right?

8. Placement of Blame
You can bet if you choose to stay with an abusive partner that you’ll be blamed for everything that goes wrong in their lives. An abusive lover will never accept personal blame for anything. They are masters at turning things around on their spouses so they never assume any guilt.

9. Manipulation

Abusers are skilled at manipulation—so much so that they actually convince their partners that their physical or verbal outbursts are the result of misbehavior on your part. The aim is to make you doubt yourself and your self worth as a good person. That’s why most victims of abuse continue to excuse or forgive their partner’s cruel behavior

10. Calculated Outbursts
Doesn’t it seem strange to you that your partner only demeans you, yells at you, or hits you in private? They will try to convince you that they have no control over their violet or verbally abusive tirades, but ask yourself why they never lose their cool in front of others or in public.

15 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you love identifies with these signs, it may be time to escape.

Women don’t plan to enter into abusive relationships. In fact, many women who have escaped abusive relationships swear to themselves that they will never get into another one, just to find themselves in another one.

Sadly, it takes an average of five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser. So, why not plan to not enter into an abusive relationship in the first place? 5 Steps To Escaping An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

It may be easier to avoid an abusive relationship if you’re able to detect the early signs. The following list “15 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship” is distributed by The Women’s Center to women seeking domestic violence counseling. A path to a safer, healthierand happier life often starts with a bit of knowledge. If your partner displays the following behaviors, you may be in an abusive relationship. The Happiness Two-Step

1. He pushes for quick involvement.  He comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.” You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. There is jealousy. Your partner is excessively possesive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.

3. He is controlling. He interrogates you intensely about who you talked to and where you were; checks mileage on the car; keeps all the money or asks for receipts; insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.

5. There is isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends; deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.

6. He blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you – it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.

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7. He makes everyone else responsibile for their feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I’m angry.” “I wouldn’t get so pissed off if you wouldn’t…

8. There is hypersensitivity. He Is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.

9. He is cruel to animals and children. He kills or punishes animals brutally. He also may expect children to do things beyond their ability, or tease them until they cry.

10. His “playful” use of force during sex.He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he says they find the idea of rape exciting. Intimidates, manipulates, or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.

11. There is verbal abuse. He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. He will use vulnerable points about your past/life against you.

12. There are rigid gender roles. He Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.

13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.

14. He has a past of battering. He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.

15. There are threats of violence. He makes statements such as, “I’ll break your neck,” but then dismisses it with “I really didn’t mean it.”

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If you’ve experienced domestic violence in the past, you may benefit from this article: Healing From Trauma With EFT. If you need help, or protection, to get out or stay out of an abusive relationship, get in touch with your local (The) Women’s Center, or search their main site atThe Woman’s Center.

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By Damilola  CEAF Staff,

When seeing a write up or hear a program tagged “abusive relationship” it is not about men who beat up their wife, hitting each other or getting bruises covered, because not all abusive relationship comes in violence and most abusers look innocent in the outside world.
Been a successful woman does not mean you cannot be in an abusive relationship, but the best way is to identify the signs and solve the problem. Abusive relationship can take any form as anyone can be in this kind of relationship without realizing.
An abuser in a relationship tends to manipulate you in any way, talk to you anyhow and tend to start apologizing when he thinks he is wrong and come up with the words that “I will make it up to you”.
Here are some signs that shows you are in an abusive relationship
He is always controlling: He always talk to you anyhow, want to be in charge of your life, he will wants to know where exactly you are going and where you are coming from. When you make calls and smile he will interrogate you and want to know who you are talking to.
He is always jealous: You should know you are in trouble with this kind of man, when there is some much jealously in his heart you will actually face so much difficulty with him. This kind of man visit unexpectedly, calls frequently to know where you are and know what you are doing.
There is verbal abuse or Insult: He will always say this that are bad to you, talk to you a bad manner, remind you of your bad past and hurt you by calling you ugly names.
There are treats of violence: He makes aggressive statement that makes you scare, he says statements like “I will beat you, I will break your arm etc” he later comes up with a cute face and says he did not mean it.
He blames other for his own mistake: He comes up with several excuses when he makes mistake, he either says he got provoked by his boss or co- worker at work or blame it on extended family, and he will never be claim responsibility for his own mistake.
Accuse you of having affair: He accuses you of having extramarital affair just because he sees you with someone who may be a co worker or s long time friend and accuses you of cheating on him.
Check your emails, texts and social media account: He checks your private account just to know if you are trying to hide something from him. He checks your text messages to see who you have been talking to or what you have been talking about.

And lastly Listen to your Gut Feelings.They are always right.

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