#NoMercyForLanre: Mercy Aigbe ‘A Case Study of Domestic Violence’

Domestic violence is a nightmare which is seeped into reality and becomes a controversial topic when brought to the spotlight especially when a celebrity is involved.
When you bring up the name Mercy Aigbe and domestic violence you get a flood of information, stories and report. The story started on the popular social media platform Instagram, where Mercy Aigbe posted a picture on the 28th of April 2017 with the caption “say  no to domestic violence…” It sparked questions and suspicion which the actress tried to shut down by later sharing a picture of her and husband Lanre Gentry which she took down moments later following harsh comments by fans and followers on her IG page. She was later spotted after the event covered in makeup with little trace of the incident.
The rocky marriage of mercy Aigbe became a trending topic last week escalating to three people arrested for harassment and a restraining order was secured against her husband.
According to reports, on the  5th of May MercyAigbe showed up at the Area F police station in response to invitation by police only to meet the absence of her husband Lanre Gentry who however came out to media to deny battering his wife, also claiming that the actress/business woman has been going through mental disorder pilled with accusations of infidelity.
Mercy Aigbe also took to the media changing her handle from @mercyaigbegentry to @realmercyaigbe with an exposing e-letter, pictures evidence of the incident and followup scanning procedure done to prove the extent of the abuse, a harsh reality check to the shy topic of domestic violence which can happen to anyone even in the most seemingly stable relationship.
    Lanre Gentry has embarked on a journey of cat and mouse…Running away from the law and there has been an accusation and Lanre conniving with the police an accusation made by Mercy aigbe herself.
We the Hoped this will not be another case of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE been swept under the rug… which has become the norm in our society..
This is a lesson to everyone that the seemingly most perfect couple might not be so perfect after all.
#NomercyforLanre
#ceafng
#Enoughisenough
#saynotodomesticviolence
#Notosexualassaults.
Let’s share and raise awareness!!

Rape Culture ….Where the Victim is always to Blame

First let us get an understanding of what Rape Culture is…

According to Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.

Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.

 

Lets see some examples of RAPE CULTURE…

  • Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
  • Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
  • Sexually explicit jokes
  • Tolerance of sexual harassment
  • Inflating false rape report statistics
  • Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
  • Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television
  • Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
  • Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
  • Pressure on men to “score”
  • Pressure on women to not appear “cold”
  • Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
  • Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
  • Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
  • Teaching women to avoid getting raped
  •  Discussion and threat of rape becomes an acceptable part of public discourse

IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM’S FAULT!!!!!

Let’s share and raise awareness!!

 

 

 

Sources: SCSU

 

The Empowered Woman – 7 Important traits according to Minna Salami

Minna Salami who is listed by ELLE Magazine as one of “twelve women changing the world“, is a Feminist , a writer, commentator and the founder of MsAfropolitan.com. She talks about seven psychological trait that empowered women posses. She states in her online article on the Guardian Nigeria that in a patriarchal society like ours, some can be especially difficult to achieve but these types of traits (as the list could go on) bring great worth and purpose a woman’s life.

1. An empowered woman’s biggest asset is not a pretty smile, her cooking skills, the ring on her finger, her wardrobe or how many likes she has on social media. An empowered woman’s best asset is her mind. It does not necessarily matter what type of things intrigue her, whether it’s art, science, sports, farming or setting the Guinness record in underwater dancing, but an empowered woman invests in insights and experiences that expand her mind and bring self-knowledge because she knows that the surest way to oppress a woman is to control her mind.


2. An empowered woman has a loving relationship with her body because she knows that her body is her vessel. She embraces her body no matter what shape it is. She is especially grateful if she is blessed with good health. She honors her body because without it she would not be able to perform tasks that are of meaning to her. She feeds it with the most delicious, nutritious and healthy food that she is able to and she does some form of exercise, so that her body can sustain her number one asset, which is her mind.

3. An empowered woman knows that when it comes to her sexuality, it is not within the remit of her parents, her husband, her priest, her imam or her friends to dictate what she should or shouldn’t like. How, where, when, why and with who she has sex with reflects her informed choice and her consensual preferences.

4. An empowered woman does not simplify what is complicated, or complicate what is simple, to paraphrase Arundhati Roy. She knows that things can be seen from many angles and that everything has an opposite. There is a light and a dark, a feminine and a masculine, and a positive and a negative side to everything. She can therefore also embrace her own dualities. She can be strong “and” vulnerable. She can be gentle “and” harsh. She can be defensive “and” trusting. She does not have to explain herself to anyone. However, she strives for equilibrium, and over time she decreasingly sways exaggeratedly from one personality trait to another.

5. An empowered woman loves herself deeply. The same way that she is able to love someone else and admire their character, she is also able to love her own character; not with an inflated ego, but with the same illuminating admiration, excitement and tenderness.

6. An empowered woman is disobedient. In a society where patriarchal oppression is the norm, it is pretty much impossible for a woman to play by the rules and be empowered. To live with integrity, an empowered woman will inevitably challenge traditions around her and consequently be considered troublesome. I’m not saying that you should be disrespectful, violent or anything like that. However, you should – graciously but determinedly – refuse to behave in ways that grate against your own wishes in order to please others.

 

 

Like and Share to empower someone today!!! 🙂

 

 

 

Source: Black African and Female  The Guardian ng.

 

Why You Should Speak Up If You Suspect Someone is Been Abused…Some Dos and Dont’s

We tend to preach the gospel of domestic abuse and victims coming forth to report and talk about it. But Often times victims of domestic abuse do not even realize they are in these situations and sometimes it becomes too late. In cases like this people around them can go a long way to help and even save them from further abuse and save a Life.

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.

Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

Here are some Do’s and Don’ts!!!

Do

  • Ask if something is wrong
  • Express concern
  • Listen and validate
  • Offer help

Don’t

  • Wait for him or her to come to you
  • Judge or blame
  • Pressure him or her
  • Give advice
  • Place conditions on your support

OBSTETRIC FISTULA …The Fate of a Child Bride

According to the United Nations Populations Funds Obstetric fistula is one of the most serious and tragic childbirth injuries … It is a hole between the birth canal and bladder or rectum caused by prolonged, obstructed labor, without access to timely, high-quality medical treatment.

It leaves women leaking urine, faeces or both, and often leads to chronic medical problems, depression, social isolation and deepening poverty.

You do not have to have a daughter to imagine the impact of child marriage. It cuts across countries, cultures, ethnicity and religion. These children are robbed of their childhood, denied their rights to health, education and security, trapping them in the vicious cycle of poverty. And yet these decisions to hand out girls in early marriage are mostly taken by those who should be responsible for protecting them – their own parents and guardians – sometimes in the name of tradition.

Let’s Walk You Through Some Scary Facts

  • More than 2 million women in sub-Saharan Africa, Asia, the Arab region, and Latin America and the Caribbean are estimated to be living with fistula, and some 50,000 to 100,000 new cases develop annually.
  • The group most vulnerable to fistulas is the young bride. Child marriage is a global problem with an estimated 14 million girls given out in marriage before they turn 18, some as young as 9 – 14 of the 20 countries with the highest rate of child marriage are in Africa.
  • The toxic combination of a young girl having sex, getting pregnant and going through childbirth when her body is not developed enough accounts for at least 25% of known fistula cases.

How it Happens..

Without emergency intervention, obstructed labour can last for days, resulting in death or severe disability. The obstruction can cut off blood supply to tissues in the woman’s pelvis. When the dead tissue falls away, she is left with a hole – a fistula, in medical terms – in the birth canal.

Tragically, there is a strong association between fistula and stillbirth, with research indicating approximately 90 per cent of women who develop obstetric fistula end up delivering a stillborn baby.

Obstetric fistula has been essentially eliminated in industrialized countries by the availability of timely, high-quality medical treatment for prolonged and obstructed labour – namely, Caesarean sections.

Today, obstetric fistula occurs mostly among women and girls living in extreme poverty, especially those living far from medical services. It is also more likely to afflict girls who become pregnant while still physically immature.

 

The Tragedy..

If left untreated, obstetric fistula causes chronic incontinence and can lead to a range of other physical ailments, including frequent infections, kidney disease, painful sores and infertility. The physical injuries can also lead to social isolation and psychological harm:

Women and girls with fistula are often unable to work, and many are abandoned by their husbands and families, and ostracized by their communities, driving them further into poverty.

The continued occurrence of obstetric fistula is a human rights violation, reflecting the marginalization of those affected and the failure of health systems to meet their needs. Their isolation means they often go unnoticed by policymakers, and as a result, little action is taken to address or prevent their condition. As a result, women and girls suffer needlessly, often for years, with no hope it sight.

Can Fistula Be Prevented???

Absolutely!! it is 100% Preventable.

Reconstructive surgery can usually repair a fistula. Unfortunately, the women and girls affected by this injury often do not know that treatment is possible, cannot afford it or cannot reach the facilities where it is available. Tragically, at the current rate of progress, most women and girls living with fistula today will die before ever being treated

It costs about $450 to give a woman her life and dignity back. But repairs, important as they are, will not eradicate fistula. There is a great need for programmes that can reach our rural and even urban communities to dissuade them from marrying their daughters as children.

Most importantly some underlying factors such as marginalization of the rights of women and girls such as; lack of quality health services, education,poverty,gender inequality, child marriages, adolescent pregnancy also stand as a huge barrier in the fight against this fight.

Civil society, communities, faith-based organizations, businesses, multinational organizations, schools and individuals must play a role in the sensitization, awareness creation and conversation around this epidemic.

Let’s Raise Awareness about Obstetric Fistula!

Please Share!!

Sources: BlackAfricanandFemale

Domestic Abuse Often Leads to Domestic Violence

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.

When people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on domestic violence. But domestic abuse occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. The first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, you can get the help you need. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.

Do like and share to raise awareness!!

 

 

 

Source: HelpGuide.Org

 

A True Survivor! …The Somalian born Waris Dirie.

Waris was born into a nomadic family, in the deserts of Somalia. At age 5 , she went through the horrific Female Genital mutilation (FGM) ordeal. At the age of 13 she ran away from home, escaping an arranged marriage to a 60 years old man. She was determined that was not the life she wanted…

Continue reading “A True Survivor! …The Somalian born Waris Dirie.”

Breaking the Silence…Narrative of a Sexual Assault Victim

 “I’ve heard that sharing your story helps heal the pain, but it’s never easy opening closed scars, buried with Layers of self hate, regrets and disgust. 

My story is no more tragic than others, definitely even less than some, but every tale of sexual violation is just as damaging as the other. No one should ever have to feel like this, like a thing, an object at the mercy of your violator, used at will in some cases by someone you know and trust, this is most difficult, having to suffer abuse and violations by someone you know, watching them take advantage of your trust.

 

Rape

Your pain matching your violators delight.

The loathe in your eyes matching his cold glare of excitement

Your rage and disgust fueling as he hits his climax.

Your hate powered by the vile smile that dances on his lips.

He’s very aware of your evident hate and pain, he feeds on it.

What he’s oblivious to is the aftermath .

The ugly details of sexual abuse leaves it’s self damaging effect on its victims, with a rather heavy burden. From self hate to hate for the opposite sex, even worse is the shame, psychological and emotional damage this dark secret imposes on its victims. So even years after the body heals physically, the scars remain…. “

I was 18 and had to spend the night with a relative Michael. It was late at night when the fights in school started, and the streets were unsafe for a girl. He took me to his house, mine was farther than his, it was only right we spent the night at his place. I had no reason to feel unsafe, I trusted him not to hurt me.

Until deep into the night, when I felt his hands on my body, I felt violated, I pushed back his hands. He returned them again, this time violently turning me around. I screamed pleading and crying as we struggled, I was no match for him, he was charged, with so much energy and excitement. My pleas fell to deaf ears as he continued. My legs grew weaker with every passing minute, my thighs weak with every punch he fed them, wrestling my Jean pants off he placed his knees between my legs, his right hand holding my hands firmly over my head, his left hand over my mouth. Hot tears burning down my eyes with every thrust, the pain and ache between my legs became unbearable, I wept bitterly, cursing myself.

This was all my fault.

 

Disclaimer: The following story is a real life story and the identity of the persons involved is undisclosed for the purpose of this publication.

 

Source: Black African and Female

 

Against Arranged Marriaged

By Damilola Ojomu Ceaf staff

          I have heard series of stories about parent arranging marriage for their children, few of the arranged marriage are really successful   but others  later end up in divorce or even live separately which shows that the system is a tough one and not advisable.
         There so many dangers attached to this system and trust me it is never a good idea for parent to arrange marriage for there children if they actually want a good and wonderful life for them.
Everyone has different emotional, financial and social requirements and expectations, Putting that ring on and making the vow shows that you are living with that person for the rest of your life, that alone gives you the right to choose for yourself.
       Most parent want their child to marry from one family for one reason or two, either that family is rich or popular, so with this idea they actually want to sell you out and they don’t want to know if you are happy with it or not, i call this a wicked act which must be stop.
Why some arranged marriages fail
        Understanding: This really matter most in a relationship, let me tell you this there are some people who court for several years and months but still find it difficult to understand one another, lack of understanding sometime lead to violence which can cause ones life. How do you intend to understand your partner when you only know each other by name and not by character? how do you want to cope when he gets angry with you? how do you want to know if you have cook the wrong meal? this are things you note before you accept an arranged marriage.
Love: 70 percent of partners in an arrange marriage were not really in love while some are not even ready to love, with out this, the marriage is not on the right track and will eventually lead to divorce. No one will listen to the excuse that your marriage was arranged out of your own will.
Dangers in some arranged marriage
Violence: When you don’t know the character of your partner both of you will use your time to argue and fight everyday of your life, this can cause several injuries for the weak partner and can even end the life of that partner.
Interference of extended family: The benefit of how close extended families are not more than the harm caused  by them, they will want to know every activities going on in your home and often give you advise that will not even work out. Some parent encourage their child to do what is wrong when they know it is actually wrong.
Arranged marriage don’t last long, it end in divorce while some who thinks they will actually continue and endure comes out every day with injuries. choose wisely and do not be pushed to what you don’t want to do for it is your life and no one will assist you to share the pains in it.
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Stop Sexual Assualt

          By  Damilola Ojomu  CEAF STAFF
             Sexual assault is something that is  increasing day by day, women are sexually assaulted by their legally married husband at home, this are also seen in among our teenagers. Our women are not secure anymore and are  been preyed on just because they are weak and unable to protect them self.
             Married women at home face this at  from their so called husband while young girls sexually assaulted by their boyfriend who drug them or use force on them. Research shows that about 1 in 3 (35%) women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
            Sexual violence is defined as a sexual act committed against someone without that person’s freely given consent. Sexual violence is divided into the following types: Completed or attempted forced penetration of a victim. Completed or attempted alcohol/drug-facilitated penetration of a victim.
Worldwide, almost one third (30%) of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime.
        Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by a male intimate partner.
Violence can negatively affect women’s physical, mental, sexual and reproductive health, and may increase sexual transmitted diseases. Factors associated with increased risk of perpetration of violence include low education, child maltreatment or exposure to violence in the family, harmful use of alcohol, attitudes accepting of violence and gender inequality.
       Stories and News about sexual assault in our society is getting out of hands, its not encouraging at all i was discussing with a friend of mine who eventually told me the story of her cousin facing this issue and this story made me shed tears.
      My friends cousin got pregnant for a young man when she was in secondary school just because she want to put an end to her street hawking and not knowing she will face more danger on the long run. she moved in with the young man who she think was a caring man, they lived happily for some month not until her so called husband began to show is true color, he comes home late in the night drunk and feels her presence as a trash, he then turn the poor girl into punching bag and he sexually assaulted the poor girl until she lost her  pregnancy. i felt sorry for the poor girl when i heard the touching story.
        Women should be treated with respect, they should be cared for, Violence against women by any one is always wrong, whether the abuser is someone you dated; a current or past spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend or a stranger.
Steps to take when you are sexually assaulted
1. Stay as far as possible away from that kind of person who assaulted you sexually because such person can do something worst to you that can end your life
2.Call a friend or family you trust when this happen and narrate what happen to them.
3. Notify the law enforcement on what happen and make sure you provide evidence for them to know you are telling the truth.
4.Go to the Nearest hospital for you to be examined and treat any injuries inflicted on you.
5. Ask for a support group you can attend.
Assist anyone you who is facing domestic violence, lets join in this campaign  and end this.
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