Dating a Psychopath: 5 Clues and Signs

Have you ever been on a date with a psychopath? It would be hard to answer this question accurately because psychopaths are experts in disguise, and it can take a long time – months or even years – to see the full extent of the individual’s pathology. Psychopaths can be male or female, though research shows that more men are psychopaths than women. Check out a few of the primary traits of the psychopath so that you can be educated about what they look like and how they act, and you can detect them as early as possible in the dating process. Keep in mind that there is no loving romantic relationship to be had with a psychopath.

While most people believe that the psychopath lacks the capacity to form an attachment with anyone, this isn’t exactly true. Actually, some psychopaths do have an attachment to at least one person, and that person is often a mother or a grandparent who was loving and kind. Yet when it comes to romantic relationships, there is little to no hope of having a decent relationship with a psychopath. If someone displays only two or three psychopathic traits (e.g., some of the ones described below), there is room for mental health treatment and potentially a romantic relationship in the future.

Superficial charm

Yes, many people are charming, but the psychopath is charming in a way that doesn’t quite add up. He is a story teller and tells tales that always place him in a good light, and the stories don’t feel totally believable. The most important point about the charm of the psychopath is that he often seems too smooth to be entirely real.

Grandiose sense of self worth

There is a significant overlap between narcissism and psychopathy. Every psychopath is narcissistic, but not every narcissist is psychopathic. While narcissists are oriented around establishing themselves as superior in every situation, the psychopath is focused on having power over others and exploiting others to get their needs met. In general, the psychopath is far more dangerous than the narcissist because the psychopath doesn’t form true attachments and he feels no remorse, even for the most heinous, injurious behaviors.

Pathological lying

The frequency and depth of lies with the psychopath is mind-blowing. The psychopath can manufacture a lie out of thin air, so quickly that you almost automatically believe him. The psychopath manufactures lies with extreme details, and you feel like he must be telling the truth because he goes to such lengths to defend his lies. If you challenge the psychopath on a lie, watch out: He will not be happy, and he will find a way – direct or subtle – to punish you.

Lack of remorse or guilt

Not feeling guilty or remorseful for doing something hurtful is part and parcel of the psychopathic package. The psychopath does what he wants, regardless of the effect on others. It’s important to note that not all psychopaths are the same, meaning that there is a spectrum of psychopathic traits. Many people have some psychopathic traits – say, one or two of the characteristics listed here. These individuals have personalities that are disordered to the point that they relate to people and have expectations that are out of sync with the rest of the world. They are frustrating and confusing to interact with, and it is extremely challenging to have a romantic relationship with them. At the most severe end of the psychopathic spectrum, the psychopath has no conscience at all. These individuals will engage in the most vicious behaviors imaginable and they won’t think twice about it.

No empathy

Lacking empathy is another issue you will see clearly and early on with the psychopath, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. For example, if you tell a psychopath a story that upset you or seriously hurt your feelings, the psychopath won’t have much of an emotional reaction. He may try to say or do something that sounds empathetic, but it feels shallow and false. Psychopaths often study the emotional reactions of characters on TV or men and women in everyday life, trying to master how to convey emotions because psychopaths don’t feel a range and depth of emotions naturally.

An overall cautious approach

The odds aren’t great that you will encounter a severe psychopath in your dating life, but they definitely live and socialize in some of the same areas as you. Knowing the signs of a psychopath can help you detect these red flags quickly so that you never get to the point where you develop a real emotional attachment to a psychopath. In the best case, the attachment will not be reciprocated; in the worst case, you could end up broke, depressed, physically hurt or even dead.

5 Reasons to Choose Love over Fear

All other emotions stem from those two basic emotions. Love is unconditional acceptance and the willingness to go beyond oneself for our own benefit (self-love) or the benefit of another. Fear is the absence of love, just as judgment is the withholding of love.

 

Couples, families, peers in the workplace, community members in neighborhoods … they all express both the dynamic of fear and love in their relationships with one another.

Love comes in two forms, either conditional or unconditional. Either it’s offered and received freely and openly, or it’s possessive and demanding. Unconditional love is one of the most powerful and healing gifts we give to others (and it fosters inner peace and happiness, as well).

To choose love is to choose from your heart, not just your brain and ego. The heart is one of the most powerful muscles in the body; its electromagnetic field is sixty times more powerful than that of the brain.

There is a concept called “heart coherence”, which means being heart focused and centered, being in the thoughts and emotions of acceptance, appreciation, and compassion toward ourselves and others — the body and mind are in alignment and cooperation.

Research by the Institute of HeartMath shows that when an individual is in “heart coherence” toward themselves and others, their brain wave patterns and biorhythm are affected in positive ways. And other people near the subjects were also positively affected by the person’s “heart coherence.”

In other words … choosing love boosts your physical health and your mental well-being. Here are five specific ways how:

1. Unconditional love helps create a more peaceful world.

Numerous studies show the healing and peaceful power of love. In August 2013, during the height of Syrian conflict over chemical weapons and possible US military involvement, James Twyman, a peace troubadour, went to Syria and Egypt to perform a concert and pray for love and peace. During his time in Syria, he had over 100,000 people from all over the world sending love and prayers for peace. Less than two months after this event, the United Nations averted US military involvement on the issue by signing the Syrian disarmament plan.

James again went into Syria on February 1, 2016 near Isis territory to perform another peace concert, and again invited people from around the globe to send love and pray for peace, through the energetic highway. Several million people from around the world, myself included, participated in a synchronized prayer and meditation with James for peace in that region. We’ll see if another miracle “in the name of love” occurs.

2. Love helps boost your spirit.

Choosing unconditional love, acceptance, gratitude, and compassion generates a higher energy within us.

When someone is being judgmental, conditional, and demanding with you, it doesn’t feel good. The person’s energy is draining and toxic, like they’re a vampire sucking the positive energy right out of you.

But when you surrounded yourself with people who are unconditional, accepting, compassionate and positive toward you, your spirit lifts and you usually feel warm and fuzzy inside. You want people like that (and their upbeat energy) around you.

Unconditional love promotes trust and connection with others. It allows more openness and vulnerability in life experiences, so you don’t need to hide from yourself or others.

In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “I have decided to stick with love … Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

3. Love is our natural instinct.

To love and be loved is a basic human desire. Hearing someone say “I love you,”  is powerful to the human heart and brain. It puts us in a blissful state. Telling family members and friends that you love them can change your mood and behavior quickly.

The process of falling in love releases the chemical dopamine in the brain to create feelings of pleasure, ecstasy, jealousy or obsession. The brain wiring and chemicals involved with love are also intended to create the healthy bonding attachment needed for both for mating and raising children.

4. Love challenges you to grow into your best self.

Love will push every button, test your values, try every ounce of your patience, challenge every strength, and trigger every wound and weakness. Above all, love is an invitation to freedom and inner peace by freeing your mind from unhealthy attachments and misperceptions.

Choosing love, especially in intimate relationships, offers a pathway to develop a high level of understanding. It elicits the willingness to accept each other as you are and to have compassion towards yourself and others. It helps you find the strength to forgive or reconcile mistakes and differences.

5. Love is the only choice that leads to real happiness.

Love is what makes up the universe, it’s what ties all things together, making two parts into one. Love includes, while fear excludes. Unconditional love is the ultimate healer and restorer. To choose love is to say “Yes” to ourselves and to life.

Love is living with an open heart and an expanded mind, which seeks to become the best version of itself, being of service to others, and treat others and our planet with respect and reverence.

Love of self and toward others is what makes the world a more peaceful place. Yes, let’s just be love and choose love, because love is truly all there is.

Signs of a Passive-Aggressive Person

How do you know if you’re passive-aggressive?

Well, do people think you’re difficult to be around? Do they not trust you or respect you the way you wish they would? Truth is you that you may be exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviors that totally confuse people — and turn them off to you.

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In order to make these unseemly behavioral traits abundantly clear to you, I’m offering you a very straightforward list of passive-aggressive examples. You may find this harsh. But I hope you find it helpful.

Generally, you’re behaving in a passive-aggressive manner when you:

1. Don’t speak your truth openly, kindly, and honestly when asked for your opinion or when asked to do something for someone. How this shows up in communication is being “assertively unassertive.” You say “Yes” (assertive) when you really mean “No way” (unassertive). Then, you let your behavior say “No way” for you. People become confused and mistrusting of you.

2. Appear sweet, compliant, and agreeable, but are really resentful, angry, petty, and envious underneath. You’re living with pairs of opposites within, and that’s making those around you crazy.

3. Are afraid of being alone and equally afraid of being dependent. This is the case of “I hate you. Don’t leave me.” You fear direct communication because you fear rejection. You then often push away the people you care about because you don’t want to seem in need of support. All the while, you are afraid of being alone and want to control those around you so they won’t leave you. Very confusing!

4. Complain frequently that you’re treated unfairly. Rather than taking responsibility for stepping up and speaking your truth, you set yourself up as the (innocent) victim. You say others are hard on you, unfair, unreasonable, and excessively demanding.

5. Procrastinate frequently, especially on things you do for others. One way of controlling others is to make them wait. You have lots of excuses why you haven’t been able to get things done. You even blame others for why that is so. It’s amazingly unreasonable, but you do it even though it destroys relationships, damages careers, loses friendships, and jobs.

6. Are unwilling to give a straight answer. Another way of controlling others is to send mixed messages, ones that leave the other person completely unclear about your thoughts, plans or intentions. Then, you make them feel wrong when you tell them that what they took from your communication was not what you meant. Silly them!

7. Sulk, withdraw, and pout. You complain that others are unreasonable and lacking in empathy when they expect you to live up to your promises, obligations, or duties. Passive-aggressive women favor the silent treatment as an expression of their contempt. Passive-aggressive men prefer the deep sigh and shake of the head, while walking away. Both expressions say “You poor confused person. You’re not worth talking to” when the real reason for their behavior is that they have not, cannot, or will not take responsibility for their own behavior.

8. Covering up your feeling of inadequacy with superiority, disdain or hostile passivity. Whether you set yourself up to be a self-sabotaging failure — “Why do you have such unrealistic expectations of me?” or a tyrant or goddess incapable of anything less than perfection, “To whom do you think you are speaking, peon?” you’re shaking in your boots from fear of competition and being found out as less than perfect. (P.S. You likely picked this one up in childhood!)

9. Are often late and/or forgetful. One way of driving people away is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate, and infuriating. And, then, to put the cherry on top, you suggest that it’s unrealistic to expect you to arrive on time, or, in your words, “think of everything.” Being chronically late is disrespectful of others. Supposedly forgetting to do what you’ve agreed to do is simply demonstrating your lack of trustworthiness. Who wants to be around that for long?

10. Drag your feet to frustrate others. Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do. But, you always have an excuse why you cannot continue or complete the task. You won’t even say when it will be — or even might be — done.

11. Make up stories, excuses, and lies. You’re the master of avoidance of the straight answer. You’ll go to great lengths to tell a story, withhold information or even withhold love and affirmation in your primary relationships. It seems that if you let folks think you like them too much, that would be giving them power. You’d rather be in control by creating a story that seems plausible, gets them off your back, and makes reality look better from your viewpoint.

12. Constantly protect yourself so no one will know how afraid you are of being inadequate, imperfect, left, dependent or simply human.

Seriously take a while to ponder your own behavior, and if any of these traits describe you as you usually are, take notice. This may help you may finally understand why you are having difficulties with personal and work relationships.

The good news is that people are not passive-aggressive by nature. And these behavior patterns can change with some insights, skills, and relationship advice.

So, if you’ve realized a few uncomfortable things about yourself in the list above, what now?

Get some relationship help! There’s no blame here. If you read the list and saw yourself, you have two choices: recognize what’s not working for you and change it, or continue to blow it off as other people’s problems. Choose the first so you can feel more accepted, loved, wanted, appreciated, and respected immediately. You cannot do it any younger!

5 Reasons Why Good Relationships Go Bad

“I don’t know what went wrong. Our relationship was headed in a positive direction and then—wham!—it all fell apart.” Sound familiar? In the quest to find the love, lots of people have experienced something just like that. However, most of the triggers that cause a budding relationship to detonate are not all that mysterious.

Here are five of the most common:

1. Too physical, too fast

It takes time to form the healthy emotional circuits needed to sustain a lasting relationship. Trust and the willingness to commit can’t be rushed. But surging sexual energy can short out a potential partnership, if it is switched on too early. Becoming physically intimate can open up a large number of issues that put pressure on a fledgling relationship — and destroy it before it has a fighting chance.

2. Unchecked emotional baggage

As often as we describe a new relationship as a “fresh start,” that usually not entirely true. All of us carry wounds we’ve received in life—as children, in previous relationships, or in the trenches of modern society. Making room for a new partner may cause you to trip over things you’d forgotten were there. And, of course, he or she certainly has hidden hurts, too. The issue is not the wounds we carry or the scars we bear, since everyone has some of those. The issue is the willingness to examine and work through emotional difficulties. To succeed in a new love relationship, both partners must be willing to sift through the baggage and do the work required to get over a painful past.

3. Dishonesty and deception

Lies destroy a crucial component of any relationship: trust. Once you catch a whiff of duplicity in the air, look out! Sure, it could be an isolated incident or a half-truth that might be forgiven and forgotten, but often it’s a sign of trouble. A person’s need to lie is a telling clue about his character and emotional health. It may indicate serious insecurity, lack of integrity, or flimsy moral standards. And if dishonesty shows up while dating, it’s likely to only get worse during marriage. Here’s a sobering fact of life: If your partner is willing to lie to you once, he or she is likely to do it again.

4. Emotional cling wrap

Few relationships are able to survive extreme jealousy, possessiveness, overdependence, or manipulative and controlling behavior. Such actions and attitudes are a sure sign that one or both people lack a solid emotional foundation. Placing excessive demands on your partner’s time and attention may seem like a normal expression of romantic love. In reality, it is a destructive form of domination. Freedom to be yourself—without someone else constantly telling you what you should or should not do—is critical if your relationship is going to thrive and flourish.

5. Fairy tale fantasies

Unrealistic expectations serve as treacherous sinkholes on the road to lasting love. When a woman describes her man as “my perfect Prince Charming” and a man thinks she is “a goddess who can do no wrong,” they are destined to fall back down to earth with a nasty crash. There’s nothing wrong with believing the best about each other, admiring your partner’s positive qualities, and nurturing dreams of a bright future together. But in a healthy dating relationship, the individuals acknowledge that nobody is perfect and there will surely be problems to address. Every relationship will require hard work and perseverance.