Dating a Psychopath: 5 Clues and Signs

Have you ever been on a date with a psychopath? It would be hard to answer this question accurately because psychopaths are experts in disguise, and it can take a long time – months or even years – to see the full extent of the individual’s pathology. Psychopaths can be male or female, though research shows that more men are psychopaths than women. Check out a few of the primary traits of the psychopath so that you can be educated about what they look like and how they act, and you can detect them as early as possible in the dating process. Keep in mind that there is no loving romantic relationship to be had with a psychopath.

While most people believe that the psychopath lacks the capacity to form an attachment with anyone, this isn’t exactly true. Actually, some psychopaths do have an attachment to at least one person, and that person is often a mother or a grandparent who was loving and kind. Yet when it comes to romantic relationships, there is little to no hope of having a decent relationship with a psychopath. If someone displays only two or three psychopathic traits (e.g., some of the ones described below), there is room for mental health treatment and potentially a romantic relationship in the future.

Superficial charm

Yes, many people are charming, but the psychopath is charming in a way that doesn’t quite add up. He is a story teller and tells tales that always place him in a good light, and the stories don’t feel totally believable. The most important point about the charm of the psychopath is that he often seems too smooth to be entirely real.

Grandiose sense of self worth

There is a significant overlap between narcissism and psychopathy. Every psychopath is narcissistic, but not every narcissist is psychopathic. While narcissists are oriented around establishing themselves as superior in every situation, the psychopath is focused on having power over others and exploiting others to get their needs met. In general, the psychopath is far more dangerous than the narcissist because the psychopath doesn’t form true attachments and he feels no remorse, even for the most heinous, injurious behaviors.

Pathological lying

The frequency and depth of lies with the psychopath is mind-blowing. The psychopath can manufacture a lie out of thin air, so quickly that you almost automatically believe him. The psychopath manufactures lies with extreme details, and you feel like he must be telling the truth because he goes to such lengths to defend his lies. If you challenge the psychopath on a lie, watch out: He will not be happy, and he will find a way – direct or subtle – to punish you.

Lack of remorse or guilt

Not feeling guilty or remorseful for doing something hurtful is part and parcel of the psychopathic package. The psychopath does what he wants, regardless of the effect on others. It’s important to note that not all psychopaths are the same, meaning that there is a spectrum of psychopathic traits. Many people have some psychopathic traits – say, one or two of the characteristics listed here. These individuals have personalities that are disordered to the point that they relate to people and have expectations that are out of sync with the rest of the world. They are frustrating and confusing to interact with, and it is extremely challenging to have a romantic relationship with them. At the most severe end of the psychopathic spectrum, the psychopath has no conscience at all. These individuals will engage in the most vicious behaviors imaginable and they won’t think twice about it.

No empathy

Lacking empathy is another issue you will see clearly and early on with the psychopath, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. For example, if you tell a psychopath a story that upset you or seriously hurt your feelings, the psychopath won’t have much of an emotional reaction. He may try to say or do something that sounds empathetic, but it feels shallow and false. Psychopaths often study the emotional reactions of characters on TV or men and women in everyday life, trying to master how to convey emotions because psychopaths don’t feel a range and depth of emotions naturally.

An overall cautious approach

The odds aren’t great that you will encounter a severe psychopath in your dating life, but they definitely live and socialize in some of the same areas as you. Knowing the signs of a psychopath can help you detect these red flags quickly so that you never get to the point where you develop a real emotional attachment to a psychopath. In the best case, the attachment will not be reciprocated; in the worst case, you could end up broke, depressed, physically hurt or even dead.

5 Reasons to Choose Love over Fear

All other emotions stem from those two basic emotions. Love is unconditional acceptance and the willingness to go beyond oneself for our own benefit (self-love) or the benefit of another. Fear is the absence of love, just as judgment is the withholding of love.

 

Couples, families, peers in the workplace, community members in neighborhoods … they all express both the dynamic of fear and love in their relationships with one another.

Love comes in two forms, either conditional or unconditional. Either it’s offered and received freely and openly, or it’s possessive and demanding. Unconditional love is one of the most powerful and healing gifts we give to others (and it fosters inner peace and happiness, as well).

To choose love is to choose from your heart, not just your brain and ego. The heart is one of the most powerful muscles in the body; its electromagnetic field is sixty times more powerful than that of the brain.

There is a concept called “heart coherence”, which means being heart focused and centered, being in the thoughts and emotions of acceptance, appreciation, and compassion toward ourselves and others — the body and mind are in alignment and cooperation.

Research by the Institute of HeartMath shows that when an individual is in “heart coherence” toward themselves and others, their brain wave patterns and biorhythm are affected in positive ways. And other people near the subjects were also positively affected by the person’s “heart coherence.”

In other words … choosing love boosts your physical health and your mental well-being. Here are five specific ways how:

1. Unconditional love helps create a more peaceful world.

Numerous studies show the healing and peaceful power of love. In August 2013, during the height of Syrian conflict over chemical weapons and possible US military involvement, James Twyman, a peace troubadour, went to Syria and Egypt to perform a concert and pray for love and peace. During his time in Syria, he had over 100,000 people from all over the world sending love and prayers for peace. Less than two months after this event, the United Nations averted US military involvement on the issue by signing the Syrian disarmament plan.

James again went into Syria on February 1, 2016 near Isis territory to perform another peace concert, and again invited people from around the globe to send love and pray for peace, through the energetic highway. Several million people from around the world, myself included, participated in a synchronized prayer and meditation with James for peace in that region. We’ll see if another miracle “in the name of love” occurs.

2. Love helps boost your spirit.

Choosing unconditional love, acceptance, gratitude, and compassion generates a higher energy within us.

When someone is being judgmental, conditional, and demanding with you, it doesn’t feel good. The person’s energy is draining and toxic, like they’re a vampire sucking the positive energy right out of you.

But when you surrounded yourself with people who are unconditional, accepting, compassionate and positive toward you, your spirit lifts and you usually feel warm and fuzzy inside. You want people like that (and their upbeat energy) around you.

Unconditional love promotes trust and connection with others. It allows more openness and vulnerability in life experiences, so you don’t need to hide from yourself or others.

In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “I have decided to stick with love … Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

3. Love is our natural instinct.

To love and be loved is a basic human desire. Hearing someone say “I love you,”  is powerful to the human heart and brain. It puts us in a blissful state. Telling family members and friends that you love them can change your mood and behavior quickly.

The process of falling in love releases the chemical dopamine in the brain to create feelings of pleasure, ecstasy, jealousy or obsession. The brain wiring and chemicals involved with love are also intended to create the healthy bonding attachment needed for both for mating and raising children.

4. Love challenges you to grow into your best self.

Love will push every button, test your values, try every ounce of your patience, challenge every strength, and trigger every wound and weakness. Above all, love is an invitation to freedom and inner peace by freeing your mind from unhealthy attachments and misperceptions.

Choosing love, especially in intimate relationships, offers a pathway to develop a high level of understanding. It elicits the willingness to accept each other as you are and to have compassion towards yourself and others. It helps you find the strength to forgive or reconcile mistakes and differences.

5. Love is the only choice that leads to real happiness.

Love is what makes up the universe, it’s what ties all things together, making two parts into one. Love includes, while fear excludes. Unconditional love is the ultimate healer and restorer. To choose love is to say “Yes” to ourselves and to life.

Love is living with an open heart and an expanded mind, which seeks to become the best version of itself, being of service to others, and treat others and our planet with respect and reverence.

Love of self and toward others is what makes the world a more peaceful place. Yes, let’s just be love and choose love, because love is truly all there is.