Signs of a Passive-Aggressive Person

How do you know if you’re passive-aggressive?

Well, do people think you’re difficult to be around? Do they not trust you or respect you the way you wish they would? Truth is you that you may be exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviors that totally confuse people — and turn them off to you.

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In order to make these unseemly behavioral traits abundantly clear to you, I’m offering you a very straightforward list of passive-aggressive examples. You may find this harsh. But I hope you find it helpful.

Generally, you’re behaving in a passive-aggressive manner when you:

1. Don’t speak your truth openly, kindly, and honestly when asked for your opinion or when asked to do something for someone. How this shows up in communication is being “assertively unassertive.” You say “Yes” (assertive) when you really mean “No way” (unassertive). Then, you let your behavior say “No way” for you. People become confused and mistrusting of you.

2. Appear sweet, compliant, and agreeable, but are really resentful, angry, petty, and envious underneath. You’re living with pairs of opposites within, and that’s making those around you crazy.

3. Are afraid of being alone and equally afraid of being dependent. This is the case of “I hate you. Don’t leave me.” You fear direct communication because you fear rejection. You then often push away the people you care about because you don’t want to seem in need of support. All the while, you are afraid of being alone and want to control those around you so they won’t leave you. Very confusing!

4. Complain frequently that you’re treated unfairly. Rather than taking responsibility for stepping up and speaking your truth, you set yourself up as the (innocent) victim. You say others are hard on you, unfair, unreasonable, and excessively demanding.

5. Procrastinate frequently, especially on things you do for others. One way of controlling others is to make them wait. You have lots of excuses why you haven’t been able to get things done. You even blame others for why that is so. It’s amazingly unreasonable, but you do it even though it destroys relationships, damages careers, loses friendships, and jobs.

6. Are unwilling to give a straight answer. Another way of controlling others is to send mixed messages, ones that leave the other person completely unclear about your thoughts, plans or intentions. Then, you make them feel wrong when you tell them that what they took from your communication was not what you meant. Silly them!

7. Sulk, withdraw, and pout. You complain that others are unreasonable and lacking in empathy when they expect you to live up to your promises, obligations, or duties. Passive-aggressive women favor the silent treatment as an expression of their contempt. Passive-aggressive men prefer the deep sigh and shake of the head, while walking away. Both expressions say “You poor confused person. You’re not worth talking to” when the real reason for their behavior is that they have not, cannot, or will not take responsibility for their own behavior.

8. Covering up your feeling of inadequacy with superiority, disdain or hostile passivity. Whether you set yourself up to be a self-sabotaging failure — “Why do you have such unrealistic expectations of me?” or a tyrant or goddess incapable of anything less than perfection, “To whom do you think you are speaking, peon?” you’re shaking in your boots from fear of competition and being found out as less than perfect. (P.S. You likely picked this one up in childhood!)

9. Are often late and/or forgetful. One way of driving people away is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate, and infuriating. And, then, to put the cherry on top, you suggest that it’s unrealistic to expect you to arrive on time, or, in your words, “think of everything.” Being chronically late is disrespectful of others. Supposedly forgetting to do what you’ve agreed to do is simply demonstrating your lack of trustworthiness. Who wants to be around that for long?

10. Drag your feet to frustrate others. Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do. But, you always have an excuse why you cannot continue or complete the task. You won’t even say when it will be — or even might be — done.

11. Make up stories, excuses, and lies. You’re the master of avoidance of the straight answer. You’ll go to great lengths to tell a story, withhold information or even withhold love and affirmation in your primary relationships. It seems that if you let folks think you like them too much, that would be giving them power. You’d rather be in control by creating a story that seems plausible, gets them off your back, and makes reality look better from your viewpoint.

12. Constantly protect yourself so no one will know how afraid you are of being inadequate, imperfect, left, dependent or simply human.

Seriously take a while to ponder your own behavior, and if any of these traits describe you as you usually are, take notice. This may help you may finally understand why you are having difficulties with personal and work relationships.

The good news is that people are not passive-aggressive by nature. And these behavior patterns can change with some insights, skills, and relationship advice.

So, if you’ve realized a few uncomfortable things about yourself in the list above, what now?

Get some relationship help! There’s no blame here. If you read the list and saw yourself, you have two choices: recognize what’s not working for you and change it, or continue to blow it off as other people’s problems. Choose the first so you can feel more accepted, loved, wanted, appreciated, and respected immediately. You cannot do it any younger!

5 Reasons Why Good Relationships Go Bad

“I don’t know what went wrong. Our relationship was headed in a positive direction and then—wham!—it all fell apart.” Sound familiar? In the quest to find the love, lots of people have experienced something just like that. However, most of the triggers that cause a budding relationship to detonate are not all that mysterious.

Here are five of the most common:

1. Too physical, too fast

It takes time to form the healthy emotional circuits needed to sustain a lasting relationship. Trust and the willingness to commit can’t be rushed. But surging sexual energy can short out a potential partnership, if it is switched on too early. Becoming physically intimate can open up a large number of issues that put pressure on a fledgling relationship — and destroy it before it has a fighting chance.

2. Unchecked emotional baggage

As often as we describe a new relationship as a “fresh start,” that usually not entirely true. All of us carry wounds we’ve received in life—as children, in previous relationships, or in the trenches of modern society. Making room for a new partner may cause you to trip over things you’d forgotten were there. And, of course, he or she certainly has hidden hurts, too. The issue is not the wounds we carry or the scars we bear, since everyone has some of those. The issue is the willingness to examine and work through emotional difficulties. To succeed in a new love relationship, both partners must be willing to sift through the baggage and do the work required to get over a painful past.

3. Dishonesty and deception

Lies destroy a crucial component of any relationship: trust. Once you catch a whiff of duplicity in the air, look out! Sure, it could be an isolated incident or a half-truth that might be forgiven and forgotten, but often it’s a sign of trouble. A person’s need to lie is a telling clue about his character and emotional health. It may indicate serious insecurity, lack of integrity, or flimsy moral standards. And if dishonesty shows up while dating, it’s likely to only get worse during marriage. Here’s a sobering fact of life: If your partner is willing to lie to you once, he or she is likely to do it again.

4. Emotional cling wrap

Few relationships are able to survive extreme jealousy, possessiveness, overdependence, or manipulative and controlling behavior. Such actions and attitudes are a sure sign that one or both people lack a solid emotional foundation. Placing excessive demands on your partner’s time and attention may seem like a normal expression of romantic love. In reality, it is a destructive form of domination. Freedom to be yourself—without someone else constantly telling you what you should or should not do—is critical if your relationship is going to thrive and flourish.

5. Fairy tale fantasies

Unrealistic expectations serve as treacherous sinkholes on the road to lasting love. When a woman describes her man as “my perfect Prince Charming” and a man thinks she is “a goddess who can do no wrong,” they are destined to fall back down to earth with a nasty crash. There’s nothing wrong with believing the best about each other, admiring your partner’s positive qualities, and nurturing dreams of a bright future together. But in a healthy dating relationship, the individuals acknowledge that nobody is perfect and there will surely be problems to address. Every relationship will require hard work and perseverance.